Beyond Fight or Flight: Embracing "Tend and Befriend" in the Workplace

Introduction

The concept of "fight or flight," rooted in evolutionary psychology, describes how individuals respond to perceived threats. This binary response—either confronting the danger head-on or escaping it—has long been associated with male behaviour. However, this perspective overlooks other critical response mechanisms, particularly those more common among women, such as "tend and befriend."

Understanding "Tend and Befriend"

The "fight or flight" response, first described by Walter Cannon in the early 20th century, has dominated our understanding of stress reactions. It's an immediate, adrenaline-fueled reaction to danger, characterised by aggression or evasion. In the context of the workplace, this can manifest as confrontation or withdrawal in stressful situations. While this model has its place, it doesn't encompass the full spectrum of human responses to stress.

Enter the "tend and befriend" model, a concept brought to light by psychologist Shelley Taylor and her colleagues. This theory posits that, especially in women, stress responses often involve nurturing behaviours (tending) and seeking social support (befriending). Historically, these behaviours were crucial for the survival of offspring and social cohesion.

In the modern workplace, "tend and befriend" can translate into collaborative problem-solving, empathy, and the creation of supportive networks. These behaviours are invaluable for fostering a positive work environment, enhancing team cohesion, and driving collective success.

The Shortcomings of Traditional Workplace Cultures

Unfortunately, traditional workplace cultures have often undervalued these qualities. The emphasis has been on competition, individual achievement, and hierarchical structures—hallmarks of the "fight or flight" mentality. This skewed focus can lead to environments where stress is handled through conflict or avoidance rather than cooperation and support.

Leveraging a Strengths-Based Approach

To create truly inclusive and effective workplaces, it's crucial to recognise and value the "tend and befriend" behaviours. A strengths-based approach can be a powerful tool in this regard. By identifying and leveraging the unique strengths of each team member, organisations can foster an environment where collaborative and supportive behaviours are not only encouraged but are seen as essential to success.

A Strengths-Based Approach involves:

1. Identifying Strengths: Use tools like the CliftonStrengths^Ⓡ assessment to help employees identify their top strengths. This awareness helps individuals understand their natural tendencies and how they can best contribute to the team.
2. Cultivating Strengths: Encourage employees to understand, develop and use their strengths in their daily work. Provide opportunities for professional development that align with their natural talents.
3. Building Complementary Teams: Form teams with a mix of strengths to ensure a balance of perspectives and skills. This diversity can enhance problem-solving and innovation.
4. Creating a Supportive Culture: Foster a workplace culture that values empathy, collaboration, and mutual support. Recognise and reward behaviours that contribute to a positive and inclusive environment.

Positive Impact on EDI

Appreciating the "tend and befriend" model through a strengths-based approach can have a profound impact on Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion (EDI):

• Equity: By valuing different strengths and behaviours, organisations can create a more equitable environment where everyone has the opportunity to thrive.
• Diversity: Emphasising a range of strengths and behaviours naturally promotes diversity. It moves away from a one-size-fits-all approach and acknowledges the unique contributions of each individual.
• Inclusion: A strengths-based approach fosters a sense of belonging and inclusion. When employees feel that their unique strengths are recognised and valued, they are more likely to feel included and engaged.

Conclusion

By shifting our focus from "fight or flight" to include "tend and befriend," and by leveraging a strengths-based approach, we can build workplaces that are not only more equitable but also more resilient and productive. It's time to embrace the full range of human responses to stress and create environments where everyone can thrive.

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